This month's Snarl is by Cecily Walker:

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The Celibacy Journals



cel.i.ba.cy \'sel-*-b*-se-\ n 1: the state of not being married 2a: abstention from sexual intercourse 2b: abstention by vow from marriage

ab.sti.nence \'ab-st*-n*n(t)s\ \-n*nt\ n [ME, fr. OF, fr. L abstinentia, fr. abstinent-, abstinens, pr]p. of abstine-re 1: voluntary forbearance esp. from indulgence of appetite.


I hate the Arthur DeMoss foundation. You know, the simps who came up with those cloyingly irritating "LIFE: WHAT A BEAUTIFUL CHOICE" commercials a few years ago? So what's a pro-choice Africana feminist to do when she sees one of their spots that makes sense? I'm sure you've seen it: the one where they show a young girl in a hospital bed, dying of some terminal disease (my guess is AIDS) because she trusted a guy who said he'd always be there for her if she just had sex with him. At the end, they show this totally happening teen-like chick who absolutely glows with innocence and health and the voice-over (a man's voice, no less) says: you're worth waiting for.

Patriarchal self-serving heterosexist implications aside, this commercial really hit me where I lived. I mean, it rang with the force of one thousand liberty bells, and I felt as if I had found some sort of validation in the media. Imagine that!

Okay, you're probably wondering how a hip chick like me can advocate celibacy or abstinence. See, people think I'm this sex radical, although I have no idea where they came up with that. I've been celibate for about three months now. Yes, even I fell off the wagon. But I've gone as long as four years. It sounds like a long time, but it really isn't. But I hear you asking, "Why celibacy?"

The truth is, sex is just too much of a hassle, and I've gone through some tremendous mental stress, mad drama and just plain old crap because of it. I'm not saying I'll never "do the deed" again, it's just at this point in my life, it makes sense to just say no.

It's not about morality or passing judgement on others. And no, I don't identify with Donna Martin from Beverly Hills 90210. It's about not having to wake up next to psychopaths, or people who act like they don't know you...or people you don't want to know the next day. Not to mention, I don't have to share my toothbrush with anyone else.

So I came up with the top ten reasons to say "ewwww, go away!"

  1. No crumbs in your bed. And I ain't talking crackers, either.
  2. The money you spend on lube, dental dams, finger cots, toys, condoms etc. can be put to better use. Like makeup.
  3. You won't cheez off your roommate. You never want to cheez off a roommate. They have a way of skipping town with $400 phone bills left behind.
  4. You won't have to get up first so s/he won't see your morning face.
  5. You can sleep in the MIDDLE of the bed. Never tried it? Go ahead. Sleep alone for one night. You'll be converted.
  6. No more pet jealousy. Ever had a jealous cat? Or better yet, a jealous pit bull?
  7. Blood tests. Need I say more?
  8. No weird hairs on your soap.
  9. No weird hairs in your mout...hey, is that indecent?
  10. "Rosie" never says "Do me next!"

So what do you do in place of having sex? You can hug someone. You can hold hands. You can tell and or write really erotic stories to each other, but wait until you're both ready to act them out. Or you can do nothing. Act like your life is totally normal, and that this celibacy thing is not a big deal. Because it isn't. Like Janet Jackson says, I promise, I'll be worth the wait.




Cecily Walker also wrote African American Women and Feminism for Grrowl! #2